For four weeks now, I’ve been a Maranatha representative, traveling to dozens of schools and churches and talking about college. I’ve also been the sole surviving single guy in our group. All four of my fellow Praisemen are involved in serious dating relationships, resulting in heavy cell phone usage and several good van discussions. The whole experience has led me to a sudden, transforming insight:
“How awesome would it be if only dating were more like applying for college.”
In a perfect world, I’d have all four years of college to find my very own special someone. Freshman year, I’d start getting junk mail: all the girls who liked me (or had at least heard of me) would send me detailed information packets to show me what kinds of people they were. They’d also let me know what life skills, personality type, and character traits I would need if I wanted to qualify for marriage with each specific young lady. Using these resources, I could narrow down the field and focus on improving myself in the most important areas. Throughout the next few years, girls would send out personable representatives with vanloads of t-shirts and pens to give away. The reps would answer my questions and give me a more in-depth sense of who their sender actually was. Eventually, I’d take an extensive trip to visit each prospect and find out how good their food would be. So far, so good.
When my senior year of college rolled around, I could apply with three or four of my top choices, writing in-depth essays and sending in my personal transcript, also making sure to include a number of good references. Several weeks of anxious waiting later, I’d likely receive at least one or two letters of acceptance. All that would remain would be making my final choice, and I’d be set for life. Perfect.
Unfortunately, this is not a valid option for me. (Arranged marriage and casting lots are also out.) So what should I do? How do I discern God’s will in the area of relationships?
Honestly, I don’t know. I’ve learned a lot about “how to know God’s will,” but I still face a cloud of uncertainty about my future. I know I have deep hopes and strong desires, and I also know God’s perfect, beneficent will for me might very well result in those hopes being dashed, at least here on earth. I recognize that eternity with Christ means absolute, unfading fulfillment, but that future hope feels so abstract compared with my day-to-day life. God may be in control of eternity, but what am I supposed to do today?
“Knowing God’s will” can be boiled down to two things: working and waiting. In the case of getting a car, the “working” aspect involves analyzing how the car will be used, doing research, visiting dealerships, and getting advice from car people. The case of relationships is much more open-ended; in this case, “working” involves getting to know yourself and other people, growing spiritually, and living life as fully as possible.
“Waiting,” for our purposes, is not the absence of working. Instead, both working and waiting must take place simultaneously. This is because “waiting” means recognizing that God is wholly sovereign and I am wholly dependent on Him for everything in life. Nothing can happen apart from Him, and anything can happen if He desires it.
“Just work and wait.” That’s all. It sounds so simplistic, but that’s the point. I used to think of God’s will as though it was a complicated maze with one right path to the end, but it’s so much better than that. Confusion is a part of living in a sin-cursed world, but it’s something we pass through, not something we have to live in. When Christ came as the light of the world, he brought purpose to blind, wandering hearts. To know God’s will is to live in that light.
Guide me, O thou great Jehovah,
Pilgrim through this weary land.
I am weak, but Thou art mighty;
Hold me by thy powerful hand.
